tomorrow, tomorrow..

Tonight's my last night.. I'm leaving at five in the morning later today. I don't really know what I want to say, but I wish everyone the best of luck and to be safe, and I wish that upon myself too. It's going to be different being on my own, because, well, I'm not quite 'independent' yet. Today, I was busy like a mofo; packin' like I'm leaving for a year..



Yesterday, was a great day. I spent my last free day with Jennifer Zavala. We were supposed to go out, but it was still nice even though we didn't. Basically, we always do the same thing when she comes over... but it never gets old with her. I'm going to miss walking down the long street to get her so we can walk to the park or Anthony and Jake's house. Well, I guess I'll write a letter or note to her. Dear Jennifer, I just wanted to take the time to thank you for being my friend, a really good one too. You are one of the prettiest girls that have walked the halls of Springbrook, I promise. But not only are you pretty, you're also 'different' which makes you stand out, unlike them otha bitches who hop on each others swagg; and it wasn't how you dressed or your hair or anything. You've won so many people's hearts with your personality. It's hard to explain.. but I have met no one like you. You have become one of my close friends, believe it or not. And I hope that doesn't change, just because I'm not down the street anymore. You're so real and definitely trustworthy. Thanks for always being there and such. You know I'm always one call away ..or wall comment.. or message.. or videochat away. ;] So, this isn't goodbye, just a 'I'll see you soon' type-thing. You're gonna go far, Jennifer, I can just see it. Goodluck, I love you and don't change. ♥ Oh and blah blah, there's more I want to write but my arm's aching. :\

there's one other, NON-relative, person I would like to write too.



Jhahbriel, I miss you, I really do. I just wanted to thank you for the good, the bad, happy, and the sad. Since, September 18, 2007, I've been your lover and friend and I just wanted to let you know, no matter what, I'll always be here for you. You've had the biggest impact in my life and one of the most amazing person I have ever met in my entire life. I realized that none of my great days in life matter without you [okay, not all of them, but most..]. You've taught me so much about myself. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you did. And I thank you for that feeling. Like I've told you before, thank you for being a part of my life, I still wouldn't trade you for any other guy. Even if, you were the only person who had enough of me to break my heart. I never ever in my entire life thought someone could hurt me so bad and twice. Sometimes I still wonder what happened to me having your mind all in the clouds? Because I'd pull down a cloud for you, I'd circle the stars and bring you one back. What is it you want, Jhahbriel? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. I'll give you the moon, the stars, the clouds, and so much more. What happened to all those good nights, good mornings and i love you's? What happened to calling me your missus? But it's all over now. So at least, now I can leave knowing the what if's and that I've tried my best. The love that I sent made it to and through your heart. I know no amount of catering to you or sexual healing can make you mine. It's time to move on.. I love you regardless of what you've done to me. You told me not to give up on you, but my faith is fading. You'll always be my first love and my friend. I hope you're happy and I wish you the best. Even if you decide to walk back into my life months from now, I'll always be here. I'm always one call away.. or in your case, text. I was about to put you on blast, but I decided to keep it cool. One of these days I'll finish that angry letter to you..

AND, I would like to apologize to Tina Nguyen for not being able to hang out with her before I leave. Tina, you already know the plan :] I'm sorry..
AND, Sylvia Tran, this Friday, come pick me up and let's go to the beach :]!

I don't know what else to write, so goodnight and goodbye.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, SIX ...

dee rocks jays23: ur a dime
dee rocks jays23: thats top of the line
dee rocks jays23: cute face slim waist with a big behind
LMAO, that totally makes me laugh every time I read it. :]


I love Dee. And I'm gonna miss him and his awkwardness. I love holding hands with Dee. And smelling his shirt, because his Grandma does his laundry, and his shirts always smelled fresh outta the laundry. Also, if Jennifer doesn't magically appear at my door sometime this week, I will walk to her house and ..laugh. JENNIFER ZAVALA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I MISS YOU! Let's go do something, please? Kthanks. I love you, and I'm gonna miss walking with you during the school year, but every time I come back we shall walk and do more things, since we can drive ..even though we don't have our licenses. And I know I will be seeing Sylvia again soon, because she told me she was going to drive up there and we're going to Ocean City or something. And.. I don't know anyone else to mention because yeah.. they're my "main joants". When I get my licenses though, I'm taking all of you out.. if you pay. I mean, I got gas. Tina is one of the people on the top of that list :] Oh, and you know who I be missing? MARCUS WAYNE WILLACY. Damn, boy, I know you out partying in Mexico for your eighteenth birthday, but you forgot about your best friend?! I been calling your ass so many times, but the call won't even go through for me to leave you a message, and then I text you and I get nothing. Justin Wills used to be my best friend, till.. I don't know what happened :[ but I do love him. I used to have the biggest crush on Justin ..because he smelled so good. :] Ever since freshmen year, and then as a senior, his scent only have matured. And he smells DELICIOUS. I also had a crush on Kareem Olasawere! I wish we could have gotten to know each other more.. And I kinda had a little crush on Yomi! Ahahaha. Jennifer took this one picture of Yomi and me one time in Anatomy class, and there was no flash and half the lights were off, when she showed him, he was like "Where am I?" and we all died laughing. I miss those days, Yomi already left. When he called me, all I could say was "I miss you and I wish I could hug you" and I had the saddest face on, I was really about to cry.


I have six days before I leave, and I have nothing set, and nothing done. I am doing a lot everyday, but then in the end, I still never finish ANYTHING. It irritates me and makes me so frustrated. And along with the anger at myself for not getting anything done, my parents irritate me to the third! Like, I don't even mean to be so hard-headed and bitchy, but PLEASE just give me space and time. Damn. AND I haven't been up to date with my prep Math classes. Fruck. Oh yeah, LMAO. Today, Carlos texted me bright and early this morning; he said "10 more days!" but that's ten for him, and six for me. Then it was blah blah blah for a while, then I was like, "I'll see your pretty face in ten days!" and he replied something I did not have a comment to.. "I'll be seeing your sexy ass body naked on my bed in ten days!" Now, tell me, how was I supposed to respond to that?! LMAO! I woke up laughing and lazy..

Well, I don't know what else to write right now, but I'll be back later tonight, maybe. I'm just going to really need to see Jennifer...

Love at First Sight.

Yesterday, I met my future husband candidate. His name is Josh, and he is gorgeous and nice and funny and all dat. I met him at a Vietnamese restaurant and I fell in love! He was tall, dark, and handsome! And he's 18, just like me. He was the waiter and cash register guy, and he tried speaking Vietnamese. After that, most deff I fell in love. He was good looking, nice, and he tried speaking my language because he wanted to learn it. Which, I thought was a plus --to impress my mom. :] A chocolate guy speaking my language! Yumm! His Vietnamese was so adorable, the accents were so off, but it made me laugh because it was so cute! So, after he rang us up, I sat down with my mom, sister, and cousin Justine. Justine and I were giggling so much because he looked so good and that Vietnamese just puts him at the top. Then I turned to my mom and was like "do you think he's dep trai?" and she said yeah and he's nice! yes, score! His smile was precious too! Oh, so then he comes and serves our food.. and my mom told him I thought he was dep trai and he was like "Wait, what? I don't speak that much Vietnamese" then we explained it, and he was like "oh! SAME, SAME! :]" When we were done, I like "Bye!" (in a cute voice, of course.) and He was like "Holla!" or "Call us!" lol I didn't quite catch it, but it was one of those. I wish I could find him online and stalk him, like I did with my potential boyfriend candidate Phil.
Josh and Phil, I am coming back for you guys!

brain farts.

Today, I woke up pretty late because I went to sleep at two in the morning. Why did I sleep so late? Because of this thing! It's making me obsessive over HTML [Hyper Text Mark-up Language] and CSS [Cascading Style Sheet] --oh, those? Just another language I've learned to speak. I thought I gave that up already?! Guess not. It'll always be in me because I've been doing this since middle school. Eff you, Jennifer for making the web design in me come out again. :) Well, I just changed my layout this morning, and I feel like I need to change it again. Thank goodness, Facebook doesn't allow you to style up your page -but that's why I thought it was boring? I'm just contradicting myself..

So, also today I've taken a shower, brush my teeth, changed my clothes, done laundry, separated clothes, squeezed in a little lunch, drank lots of water, had a snack and mastered six topics in College Algebra (which is for my Chemistry class) but I still have so many more to do. I've done 48 out of 215! :\ And guess what? That's only ONE class, I also have to do College Statistics.. man, I should have just payed attention in high school. Good thing I don't go out much? NO! I want to go out. Then I have driving school from six to nine; everyday we have a test. Too much work for me! And then I still have to continue doing laundry. Wanna know the sad part about the laundry? It's not even my clothes, it's my parents'. Oh, and I seem to have misplaced my graphing calculator, which I could really use right now... I need to dump and deep clean my room. I have so much damn clothes and I barely wear half of it, but I don't want to give any away?! How selfish of me :I .. and then I just have random crap that clutter up my room. Also, I still have to pack my clothes to leave. I'm leaving the 23rd.

That's the day Mr. Yeah is going to Miami to take his sister to her school. Speaking of him, what's up with his statuses? What did he sacrifice? Or do or whatever? I mean, he seems so sad because he did something for the one he loves? And what could that be? I mean, his status talks about him being lied to and cheated on.. funny how he's a hypocrite to that, because he's out doing the same thing. Tsk tsk.

Speaking of hypocrisy, there are a lot of hypocrites out there! Including me. Now, I don't think I am so much a hypocrite when it comes to talking about people, but I sure am a hypocrite when it comes to love. I go and tell all these heart broken people to let go of there bullshit-ass relationship; and look at me, I'm still thinking about mine! And as for people's hypocrisy I am talking about.. it's just weird from transitioning from talking shit then being okay with the person they just talked shit about. Well, actually, I think everyone has done that, so I shouldn't be saying anything. I don't know. Oh, in my last math session Timmy Trees video-chatted with me but I didn't turn on my video because I look a stressed mess, with a big tee hair in a messy bun wrapped up! Ha! But he just wanted to say hi, so that was okay. He made a funny face, it was cute.

So, today Dupree asked me, if my parents would dislike me marrying a black guy. Yes, they would- just a little. Why? Because my parents (more of my dad) are a little prejudice. I hate it, I really do. The media portrays black people to be ignorant and this&that and that they do bad things. So the fuck what? Not every black person is like that; I will always stand by my word. My 'black' friends, aren't black to me, they're my friends. And FYI, no, they don't wear their pants sagging below their pants. No, they don't go out committing crime. No, they are not sloppy muthafuckas who don't have respect! --And don't judge what I listen to with my type. Please, don't bring race into this. But you can't help it, right? Because you know my hip hop ..rap/ free-styling is being spit by a black person, right? Is that it? I'm listening to Drake, Kid Cudi, and Lil Wayne. --I admit, some of their lyrics are a little profane-- but they're still good and catchy; sometimes the meaning of the song can be amazing, others not so much, but it's still catchy-- So, I'm blasting 'joints', my music is blaring the speakers and then my dad is like "what are you listening too?!" and I'm like "this." and he's like "when you go to college, you know your roommate doesn't like black music. and she's Indian." and I was like hold up, what?! Okay, one, yes she is Indian; so, I understand me and my roommate don't technically have anything in common besides our studies and academics but that's not going to stop me from listening to my 'joints' :]

Sorry. And yes, even if I'm going to a majority white people school, I'm still going to be listening to this, and I'm still going to have more interest in black guys. But why do we have to label people by colors? It's just my nature.. I think. But you know, I've grown accustomed to liking them, or whatever.

But as for change, I see a whole lot of that for this ending year.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, ..all of that.
First, I want to do something with my hair. Everyone of my 'friends' are telling me I shouldn't cut it, I originally wanted to it be short like Keri Hilson, or an angled bob like Victoria Beckham. They told me they either wouldn't talk to me anymore, or be friends with me. I think that's funny. And I want to change the color, I'm sure by the end of the year, the Victoria or Keri cut would have all my natural hair color. But if I do decide to leave it long, do I want to die it a color close to my natural hair color or some kind of brown/ blonde? I mean, if I die close to my natural hair color, I will have hair that looks like every other Asian girl. If I die my hair brown/ blonde, I will like the rest of the Asian girls. And, I'm really not trying to look like them... also, I was thinking about the black and blonde like Keri, but I don't know, it would depend on the style I get.
As for my weight, most definitely I plan on losing weight ..a lot of it; Because I need to. I need to be toned and thin because that's how my body was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to be 'thick' or else I wouldn't have all these stretch marks and cellulite, but then again, it is all my fault.
And as for my acne, it's going away, I have scars all over, but nothing a little makeup couldn't cover. But yes, I do still have a few pimples here and there, but the rest are slowly disappearing me, and it makes me feel great!
And when it comes down to my mentally, whoever knows about my future dreams and goals, should already where my mind is headed! :] Everything else.. can be done over time.

Now, I would love to stay and ramble on, but I have a long, busy day tomorrow. I kind of love the productivity. It makes me feel good and accomplished. :]

You Can't Buy Time.

It's August? Already? ..No way! Yes way. I am so behind with everything because I've been procrastinating since May! Now, my six week programs won't be finished on time. I can't even start it right now, because my dad isn't home for me to get his credit card number. FUCK. Who knew 'learning modules' were six weeks long? Not me. Alright, but I should have seen that coming.. I should have checked it out before I set a date to start. I'm leaving in less then a month a still haven't packed clothes or anything. I'm not ready for this yet. This is too much stress ..and work for my lazy ass this summer. I just want to have fun, with the people that would that possible. Look at me? Man. I've been so caught up with Facebook --thank goodness I deactivated my account. And after that, I realized who actually wanted to keep in touch. Then my mind's been all up in how I feel about Mr. Yeah. Some nights I still think about him ..and cry? Wow. It's so stupid because clearly I don't feel the way I used to about him. I guess it's just sad to let go. But, do you know how long I've been in this? Almost two years. I bet you guys didn't know me and him had that much history, did you? As for school, I've been having another burden.. driving school. It makes me feel slightly productive, but before I even go to class, I'm probably not doing anything at all. And today is Monday, and I'm waiting for Jennifer to call me because she told me she would. Man, do I miss her! No Homo ;] (and I think I say that with Jennifer because we both know it is homo --of course no disrespect) But I've so caught up and wrapped up in ..N O T H I N G! God, please, please, help me rid my bad habits; let me work hard in school, please, let me take everything more serious. I get so sick and disgusted of myself, not because of the things I've done (though there are things..), it's the nothing I do that I am sick and disgusted of. I am such a bum. I am not active. And with my lazy attitude, I've gained so much weight, and all I do is complain about it!, with my already short height, the weight is bringing me down. literally. I'm shrinking. And, Look! Still at this moment, I am still doing nothing besides complaining to a blog! ..well, I am baking a cake :], but that's adding to a whole list of nothing. This cake is being baked for no reason. OH! but don't get me wrong! I've read a few great books this summer! I really do enjoy reading, but that also makes me feel lazy because I'm just sitting and not moving. I also have a summer reading to do, but the book does not catch my interest.. whatsoever! ALRIGHT. Well, I think that's about it.

to a new beginning.

here's to a new month. a new school year. a new beginning. so much, yet so little has happened during summer of 2009. let's take it back? waay back. back to graduation. oh god, let's see if i can even remember that far back. i remembered that nothing could bring me down because it was my day to graduate and i was lucky to see everyone who walked across the stage. it was so beautiful. it was all great, even at the when i saw mr. yeah with his new joant. yeah, i was a little hurt to see that sight, but hello? it's graduation i don't have tome to bring back heartache. my parents got me roses :] and some for jennifer too. then my family took me out for a graduation dinner. randomly, while annoyed with the skanky vietnamese lady who was trying to speak english to a man she was on a blind date with, i got a text from mr. yeah, and yeah, i was suprised. he said 'congratulations' and i looked 'beautiful.' now, tell me if you wouldn't be flattered. our text conversation actually lasted a while till i got tired of texting. he told me he thought about me a lot, even in pursing his relationship, and he said i was still going to have his baby one day and he couldn't wait. too bad that didn't last long. -now, if you know who he is.. and you let the wrong people know about my personal life, i shall break your face and slit your throat.- anyways, after a while of nothing. i started talking to, yasmin's ex, marcus. he has become my best friend. the advice he would give me was basically like what everyone has said, but it was different. i think it was different because.. marcus couldn't be bias to anything. he didn't know us or about or long, complicated relationship. when i got the text from marcus saying "..even if you love him, if he wanted to be with you then he would be with you.." i love you, marcus. -back to my summer- mr. yeah sent me texts here and there.. then he'd just stop talking to me, then weeks later he'd send a random text, and he'd stop, and do it again. weird? because to this day it's still like that. i thought seeing him on thursday would bring back old feelings, but it didn't-- at least not back to how strong they used to be. after that visit, he hasn't texted or call. but that's okay. i'll deal, like i have before. on a different note, my summer wouldn't have been the same without my family and friends (especially jennifer). before the week of july, my family took a summer vacation to las vegas, nevada. it was a really nice trip, except when i got sick. i missed out on jay z, jeremih, and jamie fox.. tell me that doesn't suck! otherwise, i enjoyed it. we came back on july 5.. i think. lol. sometime after that, me and jennifer started hanging out a lot :) i always enjoy her company. -in on of my next blogs eventually it'll be all about her- we take walks together, we talk and gossip, we take pictures, we rap and sing, and we make memories. then we even hung out with the web design crew! (with the exception of tim ..and fikile, nick, & asha) we all went to ihop, dee drove incredibly fast, we chilled at arez's crib, and went to the park :] ..now that's a get together. but even if we didn't do all that just being with those people is good enough. also, tyler came to visit me one day. that was nice but we had nothing to do. i don't think i've done anything else with friends besides what i've just typed.. and with my family.. after las vegas, we weren't quite done yet. tommy and tiffany (my cousins) spent a few weeks with us. one weekend we went to wildwood, new jersey. and their water park is fun :) ..it was really nice. now i'm back home, trying to make some more plans with friends before i leave. and i'll tell you this now, my summer isn't over yet. :]